Parenting isn’t a natural instinct

Parenting isn’t a natural instinct, 

it’s an art that requires daily cultivation and dedication.

Do you remember those unforgettable moments of being pregnant? 

(for better or for worse, they certainly leave a lasting impression). Were you one of those eager individuals who devoured every parenting book on the shelf? (I certainly was) or were you more like the laid-back mum who simply trusted the process, as many insist, “being a parent is natural”? Yet, even the most avid readers and the anxious souls among us knew, deep down, that we would eventually figure things out.

Then, reality hits. You have a baby, and it’s a monumental challenge right from the start. Just when you think you have mastered the newborn stage, the toddler phase arrives and suddenly you’re thinking “WTF?!” You find yourself constantly triggered, pushed to your limits, and on the verge of screaming at the top of your lungs. In a moment of dramatic collapse on the floor, you can’t help but wonder, “How could this 2 year old bring me to my knees?” Every part of your body aches, and somehow you have made it to your fifth cup of coffee because, let’s be honest, you haven’t slept in... well, two years.

Maybe this is just my story, but I have a strong feeling many of you can relate!

After 2,3, (pick your number) "bundles of joys", just when you think you have got parenting figured out, along come the teenage years where every conversation feels like navigating a minefield of hormones, eye rolls, and the mysterious language of “I’m fine.” It’s a whole new level of chaos.

To navigate this unpredictable/life changing/mind blowing/ exhausting/overwhelming /enlightening/transformative journey, here are a few strategies/examples I embrace:

• Self-Reflection and Growth

I set aside time to journal about my parenting experiences, allowing me to recognise patterns and areas for personal growth. 

• Reparenting myself  

I consciously work on addressing my childhood wounds by practicing nurturing self-talk, reminding myself that it’s okay to make mistakes.

• Self-Compassion

When I have a parenting slip-up, I remind myself that every parent faces challenges, and I try to treat myself with the same kindness I would offer a friend.

Its a work in progress…

• Looking after my Inner Child 

I try to engage in activities that are fun, which helps me connect with my inner joy and creativity.

• Intentionality (living on purpose)

Every morning, I set a clear intention for my day, focusing on how I want to show up as a parent and human, and ensuring that my actions align with my values.

• Checking In with myself (constantly!)

How am I feeling? How is my energy? Am I living in congruence?

Throughout the day, I pause to ask myself how I am feeling, using that awareness to adjust my approach to parenting as needed.

• Building Skills (Boundaries, conflict resolution, patience (!)

Tough one but needs to be done. This come down to attuning myself to my kids, and educating myself on the developmental stages of a child so I can develop strategies for setting boundaries and resolving conflicts in my household.

• Emotional Regulation

When I feel overwhelmed, I either tap (EFT) to calm my nervous system and regain focus or/and I take a few deep breaths (I like box breathing which is inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 4, exhaling for 4 and holding the breath again for 4). I cannot emphasise enough how important breath is. It brings me straight to the present moment awareness, and that’s where I want to be. 

• Meditation (a few minutes is good enough)

I incorporate meditations into my daily routine, even if it’s just for five minutes, to center myself before the day begins.

• Self-care (sleep, movement, nutrition, chocolate therapy… etc.)

Yes, it’s not always easy to have all the above but good habits and prioritising your well being can make it happen. 

• Meeting and releasing my fears (every single day)

I use different techniques to confront my parenting fears either by writing them down, tapping or visualising letting them go. 

• Claiming “Me Time” (unapologetically)

I schedule regular "me time" on my calendar, whether it's a quiet cup of coffee alone or a solo walk, and I stick to it without guilt.

It always seem impossible until it’s done.

-Nelson Mandela